I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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