Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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