at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
