I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
