I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
