im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
