im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
