I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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