What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
