And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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