apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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