I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
