How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
