I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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