Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
