I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
