She said her name was "party"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
