I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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