i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Randomize