Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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