I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
