the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize