Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
