I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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