did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
