I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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