dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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