Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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