I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
