I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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