Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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