Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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