The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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