Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
