I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
