ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
