I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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