I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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