The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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