His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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