Umm I'm too high to move.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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