i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
