You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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