My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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