We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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