he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I wear drunk well.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
