We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize