It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I looked at my own cervix.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
