fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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