No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
