So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
