I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
