New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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