I want to walk on stilts...naked
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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