Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
