"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
