8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
