Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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