He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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