I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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