theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
this beer tastes like vomit already
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
