considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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