its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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