Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
