He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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