I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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