There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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