Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
