I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize