mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
