It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
