My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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