Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
