I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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