fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
