Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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