apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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