i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
